We had our team Christmas lunch last Friday, where we were subjected to the usual substandard turkey fest to the accompaniment of the usual horrendous sleigh bell festooned Christmas TOSH masquerading as music.
Now I have always had established favourite worst Xmas songs which make me feel very un-festive RAGE every time I hear them. This includes anything by that Sanctimonious Leather Skinned Nosferatu Sir Cliff Richard and the seasonally irritating "I wish it could be Christmas every day" by the irritating man with the irritating beard who used to dance in an irritating way.
But this year a new surprise favourite worst Xmas song has emerged, when I realised that I have hitherto unquestioningly accepted John lennon as some kind of musical holy cow (despite the fact that I never really got into the Beatles), and that actually, "So this is Christmas (War is over)" is a steaming pile of SHITE. As a song, and of itself, it's actually innocuous in itself. But then the addition of the obligatory Xmas sleigh bells get the nerves jangling. And then that children's "choir" (I use the phrase generously, and for want of another phrase to apply to a group of people making a vaguely orchestrated noise...and by that definition, the Lower Barclay is a "choir"...) pipe up. Where did Lennon find them? He must have trawled the country for ages to find such a large number of children who COULD NOT SING. Have you ever noticed how BLIMMING off key and FLAT they are, especially when they struggle with the high notes? Shocking.
And then to top it all off, and really put the icing of SHITE on top of the cake of poo, Yoko joins in. John obviously did not marry Yoko out of any musical kindredship, but she seemed to think that marrying Lennon gave her all sorts of musical talent. Inthinking which she was/is staggeringly WRONG. When she joins in at the end, it's this kind of weird, low pitched warbling catterwall, the sort of noise the ancient Britons used to make in battle to terrify their opponents.
I'm sorry, it's a dreadful, dreadful, AWFUL, terrible song.
Does anyone else have any particular Xmas songs they dread?
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28 comments:
I agree that Cliff should 'do one' tbh - even with a sort of postmodern slant his tiresome warbling is wearing a bit thin.
Christmas 'hits' are naff in the extreme.
Three best Christmas #1s of my lifetime have not been Christmas tunes...
Human League - Don't You Want Me
Gary Jules - Mad World
Housemartins - Caravan of Love
:)
Am I right in thinking that Xmas songs are no longer the vogue?
Blimming well hope so.
Ha! Two of those are very miserablist bah humbug songs too!
Je suis un miserablist.
best crimbo no one was Pet Shop Boys - Always in my mind!
I have a soft spot for Maria Carey's and Wham's crimbo offerings... and the christmas wrapping one..
ooh step into christmas by the wedding present was good as well!
Moi aussie.
Je suis aussie le grand fromage miserablist.
Le mouton est dans l'arbre
The Manics and the Killers have done crimbo songs this year :-s
Did the Weddoes do an Xmas song???!!!!
I own every WP album, and went to see then loads of times, and NEVER KNEW they did a Christmas song!
J'ai douze ans.
The year they released a single a month the December single may have been a crimbo song. The B side was defo Step into Christmas!
David Gedge= musical hero.
No Christmas was the single - so maybe an anti crimbo song... its on the Hit Parade compliation CD
Vous avez douze ans seulement?
Aha!
Voudrez-vous un petit bon-bon, petit garcon?
*sal vieux homme*
I have David Gedge's autograph!
David gedge would never do a song about Xmas being great, but he would have done LOADS of songs about finding out about some girlfriends infidelity on Xmas day.
The lyrics would confirm that to be true!>...
I wonder if you're going to ask me why I lied?
I wonder if you're going to show you're angry with me
I wonder if I could explain this if I tried
I wonder if I'm going to know when you forgive me
When you forgive me, you forgive me, you forgive me
Will you stay with me, you stay with me, you stay with me?
And all those awful things you said at first
Don't shout, I understand, you're pretending
To punish me, well I'm listening so do your worst
I don't doubt that you're mad but it can't be ending
It can't be ending, it can't be ending, can't be ending
You're still pretending, still pretending, still pretending
Don't say we've reached the end. You can't be right
For goodness sake you must know I care about you
Please stay my best friend one more night
I couldn't face another day alone without you
Alone without you, alone without you , alone without you
I care about you, I care about you, I care about you
Alone without you, alone without you , alone without you
I care about you, I care about you, I care about you
Yeah that'll be right.
If Gedge's songs are all about the breakup of a different relationship (and they do seem to be), I count that he's had around seventy five long term heartbreaking bust ups in his time.
"Take me". One of the best guitar songs EVER, even though it does sound a bit like Status Quo at times.
avez vous les petits chiens?
Ah bien sur, beaucoup des chiens, qui disent "woof! woof!" Et aussie des chats, qui s'appelle "pussies" en Angleterre.
C'est tres drole et humereuse, n'est pas?
He seemed quite jolly when I met him though - perhaps its all just an act to get girls?? hehe
Les petites chiens s'appelle "puppies" en Angleterre, qui est drole aussi, parceque "puppies" sont "boobies".
Nah, he ain't miserable. One of the things I loved about the WP was how they laughed and smiled, made jokes with the audience throughout all their gigs.
The only pop star I ever met was Phil Hartnoll, one of the Orbital brothers (Orbital also = musical heros).
Not very high ranking in terms of musical stardom, but still...
ooohh I loved Orbital in my youth! One of my glastonbury highlights.
Impact (The earth is burning) is my fav for some reason.
Tis your favourite cos it is AWESOMELY uplifting, like Chime.
Morrissey= musical zero
>:¬(
I like Morrissey as well, even though he's a little bit dull sometimes!
I might listen to some Orbital tonight!
.
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